this morning, the universe decided to acknowledge my apprehensions and fears. I'm driving down 95 to work, thrilled at the discovery of the "play any track" button. when every album is one I love in some form or another, I can understand that I'm going to like most of the songs, but this thing makes better mix tapes than I do. seriously.
so I look up at the traffic on the other side of the highway, it's slower than the side I'm on, probably because I'm late for work (as usual). I spot a bus with PORTLAND in the destination window, and almost simultaneously "I've got reservations" by wilco comes billowing through the speakers. at first I thought it was that killers track, don't you put me on the back burner - you know you got to help me out, yeah, etc. and I smiled, and then almost drove off the road when I realized what it actually was.
by the way, I found a penny this morning, and picked it up. it was outside my front door on the way to the car.
so I get to work, with plans for yet another hair salon consultation tomorrow. and I put the mirror in the light coming through the window, and see that my hair is redder than I realize. and since it's been a different color every day, with color settling in and manic panic washing out, I determine that it might be a good idea to give it a few weeks and see how it does or doesn't fade. before I (a) spend another $50 and (b) wind up with straw that falls out when you breathe on it instead of actual hair.
then I talk to my mom. as it turns out, she's got stage 3 cancer, not stage 2. basically they're giving her good odds and they think the chemo is going to take care of it, but still. if they really thought it was so great, they would have staged her as a 2. when I make this about me (as I have a tendency to do most times) it seals the deal on finding a new apartment. I wasn't sure when I was going to leave, or how, or should I stay in this apartment or move but if it's not cheap enough then it won't help and what if I want to leave in the wintertime and - you get the idea.
it looks like I'm staying.
just for a little while. long enough to rent a cheaper place, but short enough to ditch a lot of my stuff. long enough to take some classes, but short enough to keep my west coast trip planned for the fall and check out what will eventually be my new home.
funny how everything kind of took care of itself.
funny how it feels good to be going back to the now. I didn't realize that I'd left.