women from new mexico on the train ride home, wear your gold band and leave the diamond behind - heaven forbid - you're going into the city and who knows what might happen... dirty side streets and chalkboard marquees, oh-so-hipster brooklyn girl reading grapes of wrath with fresh freesia in her hair. shoes and jacket just so, but not too much. a man stands above me on the f train, so desperate to find love, flashing his self-help book like a badge of honor. huge wide sidewalks, the floor and the ceiling of grand central station, naughty words scrawled in sharpie on the bathroom door. bag ladies (and gentlemen).
I had forgotten what it was like to be all high with show. sitting in the front of the living room on ludlow street, bathed in orangey yellow light, sharing a table with mary jones. shifting from table to floor to table to the other side on the floor, only between songs so as not to interrupt. tom, gorgeous voice all full and wonderful bouncing off the walls when he let it, slaying everyone in the room. empty houses are lonely and my picture in a cd, amazing, one for free and another three to share. tom, arms around me ever so briefly, so slight, a quick peck on the top of my head and he tells me to come on tour for a week. I tell him that it's exactly how the book went, but that I don't think I can come... leaning on the white tiled post waiting for the subway to go back uptown, grinning from ear to ear, looking strange to the passerby I'm sure.
round trip off-peak train ticket: $28.00
four cds with my picture inside (one free): $30.00
metrocard and subway trips: $4.00
semi-trashy book, cashews, and powerbar to get me home: $19.00
total spent, with parking: over $80.00 for one seven hour trip
completely and absolutely worth it, even in the throes of brokeness. and to top it all off, I got back into new haven on the 12:11 arrival, went upstairs, washed up in the bathroom, and came around the corner to the parking garage to see raf standing there with a long stemmed red rose. in that moment, and the whole night up until that point, I had a glimpse of remembering who I was, and why I'm here. and I haven't been able to do that much lately.
photos to follow. I promise.