After reading Kristin's final entry, I realize that I just didn't put the work into this. I did about 55-60% of my updates, and I wanted the same result she got - which is living proof that half doesn't get you half. Half gets you nothing, in most cases.
Of course, that's not to say that it didn't make me write more, or serve any purpose at all, or that it's not about the end and the content was this and that - but still. I just didn't show up. Apparently this is a trait I share with many of my similarly afflicted brothers and sisters...
So, it's September 1st. Hurray! School starts today (yes, it's 6:20 a.m.) at 8 on Long Wharf. And we're getting television, so weird - I'll be back in the know of all things pop culture. I do have to say, I've heard a lot of people talking about some really good things HBO has been putting out, and I am kind of excited about it . On top of that, two people in one room with a few feet of snow outside is going to make for quite the long winter (!) so it should be a welcome distraction. Apparently there's a lot of sporting events we'll get to see... but yeah, like Jon says, summer just faded away - just like that. One day, it was cooler in the morning than it had been in a while... and that was just it.
I have to say I'm really not too thrilled with the weather patterns this past season - the trade off to a good summer is a bad winter, as far as I can tell (it hasn't been that many years that I've been paying attention, but I'll get back to that). The winter was mild - cold, but manageable, and not a ton of debilitating snow - well, there was that one storm where we left my car on the wrong side of the street for the snow ban and had to drive in the middle of the worst part of it over to Eve's because Raf locked my keys in the apartment. But besides that, it was fine. And then as the weather started to warm up, it rained. For weeks, it felt like. And then summer was finally thrust upon us, we had about a week of it, and then it was 100 degrees out with 99% humidity for two months. Then it was gorgeous for a week. Then the chill snuck in, just barely, and it was hard to enjoy the last two weeks of nice daytime and cool nighttime temperatures when it was becoming abuntantly clear that summer was being yanked out from underneath us.
So I kind of feel like we got dicked around. Yesterday morning there was a leaf on my car, a fall one, all brown and shriveled, but it had rained, and it wasn't pretty at all. It was sort of depressing, actually.
So we're adjusting, and the seasons are (literally and proverbially) changing, and there's all these college students all glammed-up to go get thirty dollar dinners at Gourmet Heaven every night, and I felt a little inadequate in the grocery store yesterday. I didn't feel exotic. Come to think of it, I've never really felt exotic, but somehow the regularness of grocery shopping with Raf was really eating at me. I wasn't fresh out of work, I wasn't dressed up, I wasn't going shopping to fill up my dorm - we were just like, going to the store. Non-exotic style.
The good news is that EVERYTHING was on sale for back-to-school time. Jars of chunky brand name peanut butter for ninety nine cents. (Is there no cents key on the keyboard? Weird.) Instant oatmeal was 2/$4. We wound up with an entire cart loaded - with meat - full of stuff for $124.00. It was awesome. We're going to start clipping coupons. I had oatmeal this morning with Splenda and wheat germ and cinnamon. Oh - the one thing that we very much were not able to procure was olive oil. Either I haven't had to buy it in a while, or prices to get it over here have skyrocketed, or something - but the shit was fucking expensive. Raf has turned me onto the joys of Goya products, and I think there's some homemade rice and beans in my near future... I'll keep you posted.
So I'm being loaded with domesticity-related events, I'm excited about grocery bargains, and by the end of the day, I will have gone to class, gone to my office job, installed television, and attended an AA meeting. Have I lost my edge? I was thinking yesterday, or whenever it was, a day or so ago, that it seems like life winds up being about waking up at a certain stage of the game, and dealing with the assets and liabilities you incurred during the previous stage, and then spending a good amount of time repairing that. Like, I get sober, and then have to deal with that for a few years - waking up, looking at what a mess I'd made of things, damage control, re-evaluation, etc., and then in the midst of all that, another one happens. Now I'm approaching thirty, and looking at my life choices and career choices and the chances I have and haven't taken up until this point, and what I want to do about it, and what steps I want to take in which direction. This time I woke up to a bunch of stuff I had no idea I was sleeping through. I wonder if that just keeps happening, or if you catch up at some point so that everything is going on in real time?
I think this all came after Kristin's entry about going backwards, income-wise, and then coupled with the article about how why you shouldn't have a job that I read last night. I have to just get with the process, and how there are no graduations (except for literal ones), and that it's not about me being, "I am here and I should know X by now" kind of stuff. There is no cutoff for being in the sorting things through stage. I am not debilitated by the confines of my mind, like, in a locked ward way, nor am I entrenched in a life that has nothing to do with who I am or who I am becoming. I'm just going through it, whatever "it" is. And right now, "it" is about taking a shower because I have to get out of here soon.
Because I'm going to class.
Because I woke up.
Morning pages are awesome.