in case you've never tried it, getting of everything you own and just getting down to what's "important" is not easy. I mean, I'm sure I'll have enough room, and it's all just stuff anyways, and it's fine, but even when it's an easy task (keep, sell, toss, keep, sell, toss) and there's not a lot of work involved for thinking or for sorting - it's still pretty hard. the whole time the back of my head is all, omgomgomg this is happening okay now sort the bathroom stuff wait do I need that? I've never used it. but it's expensive. but it doesn't matter it's just going to take up space. times like, a hundred. I'm about to re-do the books and cds, and realistically, my life is going to get condensed into about six milk crates, plus shoes and clothes. oh, and chacha.
this feels so insane, like I'm coming off of a substance, only the substance is how I've been living my life, and five hours have gone by and I don't feel like anything is happening. but then I look around, and it is. stuff is emptying out, slowly but surely. so here is, literally, what will be left:
chacha, her carrier, food and extras
a crate of books
a crate of cds
a crate of notebooks, papers, and photographs
a crate of bathroom stuff
a soft-storage bag with my down comforter, pillows, two sets of sheets, two towels and a blanket or two
a soft storage bag of clothes, sweaters, jackets, etc.
my computer, the external hard drive, and a guitar
some baskets and shelf things to store stuff when I get wherever I wind up
and that's it. and that, actually, may be a little too much.
as far as storage, anything of my mom's is going to my sister's, along with a bucket of processed and framed photography (stuff that I can live without, but can't get rid of).
I have a new found appreciation for the shuffle button on my iTunes. indie rock indie rock indie rock MADONNA indie rock indie rock NEIL YOUNG... so funny. currently playing: "Borderline".
if you want me let me know
baby let it show
honey, don't you fool around
try to understand
I've given all I can
'cause you got the best of me
feels like I'm going to lose my mind...
and so, as I sit here, and separate myself from it all, it's not so bad. but in the middle of it, on top of the omg-machine, I want to eat a big bowl of spaghetti and go to sleep. like, immediately.
stop driving me away
I just want to stay
there's something I just got to say...
I just looked up all the lyrics and it's all, you love me and you make me feel awesome, but then you're a dick, and I want to stay, but I want to leave, so listen to me, but let me go, but I want to stay... what the fuck. seriously.
cue "Faster Gun". much better.
um... so I don't know, I guess that's it. I've been pouring my heart out all over the place, and it's interesting to see who's listening, and who's responding, and who's not. and then I remember that everyone else has lives and priorities and stuff too, and sometimes I actually think to ask how other people are doing in the middle of all of this... amazing.
I've got to get back to it before I lay down and sleep.
more to follow -