a million brilliant moments in the shade of the sunshine. hilltop, passerby boats, soundtracks and song - song I save for everyone, song I always have alone. song I wound up sharing, finally. but maybe it was just supposed to be something to compare things to.

(from the couch)

sitting there today in the sunshine was like nothing I'd ever dreamed of, and everything I always wanted. and you complied, you always do, so gracefully and right on cue - like you can see through the translucent membrane that I half-try (so desperately, that half) to hide behind - all the while wanting so badly to be caught. I'm transparent and I know it. to pull back the curtain on me,

like a book elegantly bound but
in a language that you can't read

I see the highways and the scenery from a thousand new moments, a thousand new windows, sometimes not at all, and I restrain myself only because I want someone to bleed for me the way that I bleed. where I can finally stop pretending that there's more than love that matters, where every shining second can finally be about the sparkling little moments reflecting back from those perfect little round mirrors.

---

I can't tell the difference between staying away and running away. in either case, it's all slipped too far out of reach. all these intentions except I can't quite figure out what got said, like a roadblock on the only path there is to take... I'm left clawing at the speakers, to pull out one more word for one more second, and once again I'm torn between wanting to say everything and not wanting any of it at all. I guess this way I get to do both. and I'm left here with empty, open, beautiful hands.

that, and I'm soaking wet, you see, so it's time for me to go.

I am in seattle, after all - I'd better get used to the rain.

vvb