in the immortal words of my friend steve I used to work with:
"you won't __________ right now!" which he said to me like, every day. every morning (I was fat, and then I walked everyplace, and then it was easy to stay thin because I was walking everyplace) I would go to roberto's, get some form of egg sandwich, a coffee, and a little blueberry muffin loaf. like, they made the muffins in the tiny loaf pans instead of muffin pans. I loved them. big fresh bursting blueberries, little tiny pans. perfect. so every morning, he would say something to the effect of, "you won't go to robertos and get eggs and a coffee and a little muffin right now." and it was so, so funny. every day. I'd start laughing right when I saw him because I knew he was going to say it, and it never got old.
so, yeah. you won't write about your stupid good afternoon right now. you also won't get trapped in the garage leaving, and have everyone have to go to get back to the station, and come back to your job OVER AN HOUR LATE and not only not get fired but get asked how the show was right now.
you won't get guestlisted for a VIP club performance of okkervil river playing at the triple door on your lunchbreak, and you won't go, and you won't have awesome seats right now.
you won't take a hundred and forty-one pictures, and the band you see won't be epic and sweeping right now.
you definitely won't, offhandedly, tell cheryl waters that you can give her a ride if she needs one, and she won't accept, and you won't drive her, and jim beckman, and glen over to the show right now. they will not talk to you about how most people are too jaded to come down the hallway for an in-studio, let alone go *gasp* all the way to the triple door right now.
you will not get the shit kicked out of you by the show right now.
and you absolutely will not get introduced to patrick, because he is not the bass player of said band, and you won't have enough balls to give him your card, and he won't hand you back his phone number and offer to guest list you, because the show is definitely not sold out right now.
no, I say. none of that will happen.