It's about 10:30 here, but I can't escape feeling like I'm going to bed at 2 am and waking up at 10 am. I wonder if that ever changes, or if it's just the light and the time that people do things... I mean, really, it's all the same. But for some reason it feels superior, like we get more day than the east coast, and that we get to stay up later, and sleep later, and still have the same amount of active time.
Awesome.
The days are just one big sunshiny burst of goodness. Today we went all over the place, and seeing Seattle from the back of a scooter - it's just the best. It makes it easier to drive when I have to take the car around, which I have yet to do alone. But really, Kristin comes home at noon all week this week, and then yesterday we went all over the place in Alki and West Seattle (pictures to follow) and today she made me a button and we went to Golden Gardens - all beach on the Puget Sound, right on the edge of a city. Then we cut back through and saw the Locks and came in from Fremont, all eating fresh tomatoes out on the veranda, wanting to nap but not, ridding myself of extra things I don't need, staying fresh and light and stringless. This place is amazing.
Who knew, all going to a Mighty Purple show in November that year - that it would open up so much and put us all here, all in this moment, all living with Kristin and emails from Will - I guess I can't hate Steve so much after all, even though I still do. Not hate really, because hate is so rough and jagged, but I just have a lot of problems with his... wavelength, I think. So many things come down to what kind of projected energy is going on, direct and indirect.
So, yeah. So Kristin is amazing, and all she's doing is just living her life and opening her home and doing what I'd do for her... she's all free and awake and tuned in and I'm just so grateful for all of these pieces falling together the way that they have. Part of me feels all in the way here, but I'm not really, and I know she'd have no problem addressing it with me if my crap all over the place was making her crazy. My crap, what little I have left of it, is kind of all over the place, but I'm doing the best I can, and besides, she Gets It, so it's not a big drag. I remember a therapist telling me that I was in charge of my mind and my thoughts, not the other way around, but I still have a hard time harnessing that and really embracing it as truth - it's almost like I have to embrace my broken mind and let it do whatever it has to do, and let it pass, and then I get to have it back when it's done freaking out. I don't get it. But I do it anyway.
Tomorrow we are going to bring Cheryl chocolates and flowers and just make her day, hopefully akin to how she made mine today with my multi-sentence shoutout after a practically instantaneous Wilco request (I'm Always In Love, because I perpetually am). I literally jumped up and down in the living room, and I really felt like just then that life couldn't get any better. I think this weekend we're going to have to go gets me a suit, so I can go gets me a Real Job, and start doing Big Girl Things like that so I can Get My Shit Together on some kind of technical level. I have to say though, this simple living is really nice. Really, really nice, freeing, stringless, and beautiful.
I'm going to go look on Craigslist. Good night, Irene.
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~Penny